There comes a point in your life as a Peace Corps volunteer in Mongolia, living in a ger, where you ask yourself… “Am I really about to shit in a trash bag?”
This past Sunday (May 1st) I woke up thinking it would be just like any other day. Nope. It was decision day. My morning ritual was going according to plans; I had just brewed some tea and was chowing down on a green apple and some yogurt (splurging on the weekend breakfast with yogurt), all while giving Freelance Whales first album (Weather Vanes) a spin. However, I was completely oblivious to what was going on outside.
That morning I had noted that it seemed especially windy, my ger had been shaking at the more intense gusts and my sweatshirt and tape window (due to one of my glass windows shattering during a previous sand storm hint 1) was being put to the test, constantly being sucked upwards but always holding. Not only was it very windy but it was still dark at 9:30… but not night dark….tanish dark (hint 2) So I really should not have been surprised when I opened my ping (think like a foyer combined with a shed) door, to complete my morning ritual at the jarthlon (outhouse), to a wall of swirling sand.
The door immediately flew out of the control of my hand and I had to fight the gusting wind to slam the door closed. I walked over to the dry sink, washed the sand that had stuck to my face from that brief exposure and looked myself in the eyes in the mirror. A decision had to be made.
Now this was no easy decision, it was a matter of pride really. All winter, no matter what time the Browns were headed to the Super Bowl, no matter that time the kids had to go to the pool, no matter what time I needed to begin construction on a log cabin I braved the cold. In -30 degrees Celcius weather I had that mud baby on -40 degree Celsius nights I said goodbye to Mr. Brown, always at the jarthlon. But this was a different matter; I couldn’t see the storage shed 3 feet in front of my ger that was about to blow over. Once again I was thankful that there are no sand tornados in the Gobi.
I debated all of these things to the sound of Freelance Whales being drowned out by the felt layers of my ger flapping and the creaking of the wooden lattice skeleton of my ger. I watched my ceiling convex and concave like those small plastic half circles you could get in grocery store vending machines that you would invert, place down while hoping they didn’t snap on your fingers, and watch shoot up into the air.
I needed a second look before making my decision. I opened my door again. This time, along with the swirling giant wall of sand in the shape of a face summoned by Imotep (That you Brenden Fraiser and Arnold Vosloo for the most accurate portrayal of a Mongolian sandstorm although I can’t speak to if it is also accurate for Egypt), snow had decided it wanted to come out to play. I watched a bird attempt to fly into the wind, lose control and slam into out hashaa fence and when I went back inside my face was covered in sand and snow.
My mind was made up. I took my trashcan into the corner of my ping and turned on the chocolate sausage maker. Decision (dramatic pause) Made.
Q/A:
1) Should I be ashamed?
A: Maybe.
2) Am I an animal?
A: No, they go where they please or in the corner at a zoo.
3) Couldn’t you have held it?
A: No, I’m sure any Peace Corps volunteer can attest to the strain native meals put on your colon and after a dinner of tsuivan (noodle/meat/ fat dish) and airag (fermented mares milk) time was of the essence that morning. Also the storm lasted for literally 12 hours.
4) What did I do with the trash bag?
A: I tied it up, hurled it outside and watched it fly backwards from the direction I had thrown it in, just like the bird.
5) What will I do with the trashcan?
A: Probably burn it, maybe give it a medal of accommodation for serving me well in that trying time 50/50.
6) Why is going outside in a sandstorm such a difficult decision?
A: You know nothing Jon Snow
7) Would I do it all over again?
A: 100%
8) What made you go with a Caddy Shack themed title?
A: Caddy Shack has one of the Top 5 poop joke scenes of all time
mymongolianodyssey 